Showing posts with label The Loop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Loop. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Where To Get Your Drink On - Lagerheads Tavern

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=lagerheads+nc&search_type=&aq=f

35 N Lumina Ave, Wrightsville Beach, NC 28480-2801 (910) 256-0171

It's not difficult to like the atmosphere at Lagerheads Tavern. The locals lovingly refer to it as LGs, and that love can be witnessed on most days and night when the shaded outdoor seating area is packed to the gills with people doing their favorite drunken pastime: that would be people-watching, of course. It is the best place to spend a warm summer's eve and watch the walkers and joggers on the Loop. Fine-assed ladies and cougars are on display for the men, and bare-chested dudes are also in abundance from the porch vantage point. It is also the best place to watch the parade of nighttime revelers display their more fashionable attire (high heels and mini-skirts), and to witness the occasional drunken face plant. Recently, signs have been installed that inform the people sitting on the porch that it is not permissible to yell or harass any of the passersby; that has not reduced the outdoor fun, by the way.

LGs is the original Buddy's, and to this day it reaps some of the benefits of the old-timers who come to look for their old stomping grounds. Over the past few years, it has built it's own legacy as THE hot meeting place on the beach.

When Jim Carter bought the place a few years ago, it was already a favorite destination for locals and visitors alike; at the time it only served beer. That changed about three years ago with the introduction of liquor drinks and BAM!, there was never a reason to do shots at Jerry Allen's and then walk over to LGs for beer again. It turns out the crowd preferred the mood across the street better than they did at Jerry Allen's after they ate Jerry's half-priced food.

So the way to keep your customer base and get them to bring their friends (to further improve your base) is fairly simple--affordable, strong drinks and polite, effective customer service. Who knew? People actually come back time and again for what are some of the best drink specials on WB. If you visit Wrightsville Beach from a large city, you will be pleasantly surprised about the price of drink specials, and LGs has some of the best.

There are a few other reasons to go: there's live music several nights of the week, all year long; there are some very fine looking people that hang out; and they have maintained their amazing beer selection that started it all. The customers are, once again, an even mix of "pop collars" and surfer types. But it's also a place, unlike most places on the beach, where older folks can come in and enjoy the good times without feeling out of place. They are putting in a new AC system, so if you've been there on a busy night over the past few years, and you felt like you were in a sauna, that's all about to change for the better.

As with anywhere, there are you few downsides that require mentioning. The toilet in the men's bathroom is made of steel (the type they have in the prison). It's been known to cause emotional distress or laughter, depending on the mood of the user. There'll be no taking a shit at LGs, unless you have a large ass or plenty of practice on this type of toilet. The sink in there could also use some upgrading, and the floor could use a fresh mopping around midnight on busy nights. The women's bathroom is far more traditional and comfortable, but don't think of using it if you are a dude (you will get tossed).

The bar service is usually great, but you can expect a slight wait on the busy nights. But don't, for the love of God, wave money or yell out to any of the women that work there because it will be on like cheese on a fuckin' doodle. Also, it is very grating when a bartender brings their personal problems to work and talks about every aspect of their week. Customers don't want to hear about how terrible the bartender's life is when the whole reason they are there is to forget some aspects of their own shitty existence. But that's only an issue with the smallest percentage of the staff. On the whole, like we said, the good times and service at LGs will far outweigh the little annoyances and nagging bitchiness that seems to be on display on some shifts.

And it would be great if there could be (maybe, perhaps, just saying, no rush, if you guys don't mind, at some point soon) some different musical talent in the place. The last thing we want to do is cut into any musician's pocketbook, but holy shit! Really? Again!? There's lots of talent in town for the summer, and capable, unselfish musicians (who are comfortable with their talent) should not mind giving up a night or two of gigs so they can enjoy other music. LGs should mix it up a bit.

Despite our own bitching (for perfection), Lagerheads Tavern is one of our favorite places on the beach; it should be one of yours, too.

Next: Yer' Cheatin' Heart

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Million Dollar Idea #1 - Loop Puppy Rental Service


The banks are failing. It is impossible to get a loan for even the very best business ideas that are guaranteed to make millions. That's why every week or so we will broadcast a really good idea in the hopes that one of the rich fucks that we bashed in the last article for dumping their shit in Banks Channel will invest a million dollars in venture capital. We will then proceed to use that money as collateral on a loan for 10 million dollars, which the bank will be happy to give us because of the collateral, then we'll spend 9 million dollars in salaries and bonuses in the first year, use the original million to have a seminar in Australia and then get around to putting the idea into play with what is left--like $10,000.

We plan on making that first million back within the first five years through franchising and offshooting the original concept to North Korean businessmen who will debut Puppy Frozen Morsels.com. This will be the best way to deal with the canine overpopulation issue that plagues the U.S. while North Koreans starve for food. Mutually and Culturally Beneficial - For A Better World is the working slogan right now.

--------------------
http://www.dailypuppy.com/

Loop Puppy Rental Service, Inc. will provide puppies no more than six months old to be used by prospective clients for the purpose of walking the Nesbitt Loop between sunrise and sunset from March to October. The general concept is to use the puppies as what can be called a "dating aid."

The puppies, or "product" as we may also refer to them, will be fitted with a GPS collar to relay the status of their location and they will also be fitted with an RF microchip for easy identification.

No more that thirty puppies will be stored at the pickup location at any one time. Prospective clients (who we may also refer to as "Johns") will need to provide proper identification and a valid credit card.

The charge for this service shall be $30 for the first half hour and $15 for each additional 15 minutes. This provides an additional savings of zero.

We understand that some have dubbed this business model "puppy prostitution." We would like to assure our prospective investors that we have nothing but the highest regard for the well-being and best health of our "product" and our "Johns." We will provide referrals for standard distemper and rabies tests to our clients in order to ensure proper health and continued use of our services. This business model has less to do with prostitution and more to do with making clients happy and providing a way for them to meet other singles (or married people) with a singular similar interest--puppies.

The John Nesbitt Loop is a high-traffic area where plenty of attractive people congregate every day. The addition of a cute puppy to an otherwise boring face or out-of-shape body may be the spark that initiates a bond between two people that lasts a lifetime. Please consider helping us bring this essential service to the benefit of lonely people and lonely puppies at Wrightsville Beach.

The lawyer said we had to put in this part.
Disclaimer: All puppies, which were gained under the premise of being "fostered" for four months, will be turned in to ASPCA at six months old or when they considered no longer cute enough. We understand and accept that said puppies will be euthanized if they are not adopted after one week, and further that pitbull puppies and pitbull mixes will be euthanized right away, as they are considered to be unadoptable.

Next: Red Bumps