Where To Eat And Drink - Wild Wing Cafe

http://www.wildwingcafe.com/our-locations/wilmington-nc.php

It is a huge chain! It have VERY cheap drinks! It has food! It has a zillion TVs! It has a very large space to accommodate a large crowd! It often has live music! Q: What could possibly be wrong with that? A: Every goddamn thing!...Except that part about the drinks.

Located right across the bridge, near the corners of Eastwood and Military Cutoff Roads, Wild Wing Cafe is a just turned 21 year old's dream come true. You might even enjoy it until you are 25, then it gets very annoying. Here's why:

1) We don't know who does the hiring, but the staff there are not the best and the brightest that UNCW apparently has to offer. The bartenders are humorless dicks (all dudes whenever we go there) that have this sourpuss look on their faces like they really need to take a dump. They all look like they are really pissed off that they didn't get to the gym that day and you will rarely see any of them crack a smile. Hate your job, man?

2)The hostess and waitresses behave like this is the first time they have ever had a waitstaff job and they are constantly walking at high speeds in a crowded area which has caused more than a few of them to trip and fall. We used to think that the place just hired klutzes, but we soon realized that management tells them to run around like headless chickens so the place looks more efficient.

3) The wings taste like ass for a place that is suppose to specialize in...wings. There are about three of the twenty or so varieties that could stand up to other decent wing places around town. They are dried out, skinny, and look and taste like they were the cheapest wholesale wings the chain could buy. Let's put that another way: The wings at Jerry Allen's are better! WOW Wingery (which is out of business) had better wings!

4) The place is fuckin' loud. You cannot have a decent conversation at your table without yelling, which ups the ante for everyone else to raise the volume of their voices. The worst is when you go there on a football Sunday and all the games are turned up loud. Cacophony! Unless the band is playing booming, amplified rock-and-roll, or you are next to them, it is not easy to enjoy live music above the din.

So what's left? The Griller menu has good food on it; you get what you pay for. The sandwiches are fairly plain and bland. The wraps are nothing special that you could not find made better elsewhere.

But check out the link above for what are some of the best drink specials you can find; the mixed drinks are not weak. You will need to drink a lot of cheap booze to enjoy the atmosphere and the auditory hallucinations that being in Wild Wing Cafe will surely bring. Our suggestion is to get really drunk at WWC and catch a cab or a ride to another venue. But if you want to spend some time around drunk, loud, 21 year old UNCW chicks that are falling over themselves, then you can hang at WWC. Whoa! Say again?

Maybe we should give this place another shot. This review might have been unnecessarily harsh and expectations may have been placed too high. Maybe. You tell us.

Next: Love Us Some Sandwich Pail

Where To Get Your Dance On - Fibber's, DJ Battle, Sunday Night, 1/2 Price Wine

http://www.lazyday.com/showalbumbyid.asp?albumID=1849
1610 Pavilion Place Wilmington, NC 28403

We rolled into Fibber's a little late after spending an hour at Banks Channel, the new bar and restaurant located where the old Savannah's used to be. The experience at Banks Channel is a story for another time; we have to give them another shot because it had to be an off night. Anywho, we just wanted to watch Mets vs. Yankees because no matter what the "purists" say, baseball on a large, high-definition television is better than going to the game.

Since we were going to be at Fibber's anyway we figured we'd watch the final innings there. Now just like the baseball thing, there's probably a group of people that love karaoki and a group that cannot fuckin' stand the ear piercing screeching or the spoken-word version of popular songs. When the team you are rooting for is blowing it (AGAIN), karaoki is like Billy Mays listening to himself scream all day; it's going to kill you. It looks like the Japanese won WWII because karaoke has taken over some nights at American bars and that means it's near the end for us. But everyone except for a few sports fan was having a great time so....we could be wrong.

Anywho, once the game was over we moved on to the best part of Fibber's Sunday night, which is the hip-hop sounds of DJ Battle in the lounge room. The room is set up nice with seating along one of the walls, a bar along the length of the opposite wall, and a really good sized dance floor. It's up-to-date look and lighting, while maintaining a cozy feel, is one of the best parts about this room. It's not so huge that it takes too long to leave when it's packed, and the bar is easy to get to and walk away from once you get your drink. Feng-shiu. Freedom of movement. Very important.

DJ Battle spins for Coast 97.5, which is the local urban station, and it's always nice to listen to someone who can count beats and easily sync up songs so that there's no breakdown in the beat.
The crowd in the dance lounge is an integrated UNCW crowd. That's pretty much the side of Fibber's where people who can dance hang out. Battle sticks mostly to the Atlanta-style rap and r&b, which by the crowd reaction, is what they are there to hear, but he was smart enough to throw in some psuedo-house versions of many of the song which made dancing there fun.

****It's important to note that Sunday is half price bottles of wine night, so there were plenty of ladies.

The crowd mostly stayed until the lights were turned on, and then they stepped outside to order hot dogs at the Sabarett stand right outside the door before heading home. No fibbing about Fibber's, it is good fun on Sunday nights.

Next: The Sweat Of A Man

Marines and Bikini Exhibitionists

These two groups were made for each other. Take a large Marine Corps base (Camp Lejeune) and a large university with a nursing program (UNCW), and as if by fate and/or the hand of the Lord, they meet at the crossroads of what is Fantasy Island, NC.

Consider that you are a young, virile 19 years old that has just finished basic training, or that you are a young, virile Marine who has just finished a tour in the Middle East and want to be reminded about the reason you were killing ragheads. Then you need look no further than between Johnny Mercer and Crystal piers. There are very few ugly and fat girls on this beach. The competition level is just too high for some; they are shamed into going to Carolina or Kure beach by what are simply some of the hottest bikini fillers on the east coast.

Now consider that you are a fine, nubile college girl student and being away from mom and dad is a gaslight to your newly liberated libido. Well hell, what could be better than a guy your age showing off his pecs and talking about the amount of rounds he's fired from his machine gun? Slap on some oil, get with a couple of equally cute friends (you'll need the safety later) and find yourself a potential husband with full military benefits.

This is hardly a joke. This scenario has played itself out on the beach for generations. Some of those classes are just too damn hard to get good grades. And most of the girls that live in Jacksonville, where the base is located, are just dogs. If you think you may not make it back from a war-zone after another extended tour, you had better have a photo of a UNCW girl in your wallet and have her send you nighttime photos by email if you want to remember to keep your head down and stay ALIVE!

Of course, some of the Marines like to blow off TOO much steam and end up in more than a few confrontations, which is why they usually travel, as they have been trained to do, in a unit of about five. If you have trouble with any of them, try to talk to the older-looking one that isn't saying much because that's the only one that can defuse the younger bucks. Or you could just get more of your boys and go to war with them because you're such a bad-ass and piss-drunk that you want to ignore the fact they are trained to kill...people..lots and lots of people. Keep in mind that marines are not sent in for humanitarian reasons. They are sent in to destroy and kill everything in an area so the healing can properly begin.

As for the ladies who think that the sunrise is an excuse to wear a bikini all day and to show off the talents that will be exhausted in the next five years, or as soon as they pop out a little toy soldier from the womb, MORE POWER TO YOU GIRL! Go get some! If you got it, flaunt it. If you don't got it...fuck those jealous bitches! Bikini fetish is probably not yet a psychological term, but we will certainly begin to float the theory that both the wearer and the observer are involved in something that may or may not be wholesome. Considering all the various types of bikinis, it is conceivable that in a few years they will included in casual days at the office. Insert Stimulus Package joke...over there! Just ignore creepy dudes that are taking photos of your ass and posting it on the internet and commenting on how nice...oh, never mind.

Next: Surfer Dudes That Run Away With Your Girl To Costa Rica

Are You A Local?

You'll only be asked this by the people who were born here, grew up here, or have their own dicks so far up their asses from living here a couple of years that they think they own this beach and hate anyone who they consider a tourist, or an interloper, or a goddamn northerner who's "buying up all our land." That goes double for any douchebag from the Tri-State area...because, well, it's a fairly accurate description of them.

There are few types of people that hang out here in God's scrotum. We call it that because of the warm temperature and the occasional winter breezes from the cold of space when God takes his vacation and visits other planets.

The two most prolific types are under thirty. The surfer/skater boy is the first of the two. Athletic, sandy brown or blond hair, always wears a surfer/skater branded t-shirt, sneakers, board shorts, surfer/skater sunglasses, etc., he can usually be seen chasing or being chased by his equivalent, the surfer/skater girl. Her outfit consists of a bikini until sundown and a mini-dress or tight cotton pants and blouse for the evening.

The next type are the preps, also referred to as the "pop collars." They may also attend or have graduated from the University of NC Wilmington, but they are content to wear khaki cargo shorts and Izod (I shit you not!) polo shirts. They like to rock the polarized fisherman sunglasses to remind everyone that daddy owns a boat. Every few sentences are sprinkled with the phrase "out on the boat today." Like, "I got so drunk on the boat today when we went over to Masonboro today on the boat."
They are usually accompanied by their high school or college sorority sweethearts who are wearing sparkly dresses and sparkly shoes.

These are the two groups you are most likely to run into in a bar at WB. It's very important that you know how to approach these people and how to best deal with them. Most people ignore them or treat them with disdain. That is a mistake that you should not make. They are a wealth of information and entertainment and they are by far the most cordial and responsible of any of the other types that reside on the island. What does that say? It says stay the hell off this island if you can't deal with the above mentioned types because they will outnumber whatever little backwater town or grungy big city YOU came from. It's like visiting any zoo--treat the animals with respect and you leave with both arms.

Next Entry: Rednecks and Working Men