Million Dollar Idea #2: A Television Program Titled "Surf and Turf"

The show would focus on the exploits of two undercover state police detectives working along the coast, specifically on maritime paranormal crime. Surf, the lead detective is a blond, former pro surfer who grew up in the area and knows everyone. Turf is a transplant and native Hawaiian who also surfs, but hates the NC coastline because "the only decent waves you howlie boys see is in a magazine when you're taking a dump."

The continuing growth of the popularity of surfing lends credence to this idea. The detectives would also be investigating crimes in the well-heeled neighborhoods of the Carolinas. Any crime that has to do with boats, drowning, surf board theft, and the like, would fall under their jurisdiction. They would also go on frequent camping trips to the mountains and run across crimes that need to be solved. They have a racing boat and a 26 footer that they use to pick up girls and entrap unwary bad guys. "Let's head back to the boat. We got some green and some white."

Synopsis of five future episodes:

The Arrival - Surf meets his partner and takes an instant dislike to him after realizing it was Turf that cut in on his wave that morning.

Surf: "You have a real problem with the rules of the water, man."
Turf: "Your rules, not mine."
Captain Reynolds: "Knock it off you two. You're going to be partners.

Surf: "Since when did you and I decide to have an open relationship, captain?"

Groms' Wax Treat - Someone is killing groms with poison surf wax, and one murder hits Surf close to home because the victim is a cousin.

Surf: "No one deserves to die like that."
Turf: "Anyone sponsored by Red Bull does."
Surf: "He was my cousin!"
Turf: "Then you should have known who was sponsoring him!"

Bikini Neckties - Someone is strangling male surfers with bikini bottoms that have been worn, but the DNA doesn't match on any of the bottoms.
Crime Scene Investigator: You guys are contaminating my crime scene.
Surf: No. We're stopping you from taking the items home for your sick little parties.
CSI: What are you talking about?
Turf: Even from three miles out we can see what you do at 2 AM. You like to leave your curtains open don't you?
CSI: What?
Surf: Go play shock the monkey, doucebag. We got it from here.
Turf: Get lost, Waldo.

Shark Week - After three shark fatalities in three days off Nags Head, Turf suspect foul play.
Turf: These bite marks are not consistent with any sharks we have in the area.
Surf: No, but they are consistent with that horse-face you brought back to the boat last week. Have you considered her involvement in this.
Turf - I have. We should talk to her next.

Red Dawn At High Tide - Turf is hit by a boat, while on his board, in the early morning and is seriously injured. The suspect is a redheaded beauty that Surf once dated.
Turf (In the hospital) - You know where she is don't you?
Surf: Maybe.
Turf: Then what are you waiting on? You need to arrest her.
Surf: I have to wait until sundown.
Turf: Why?
Surf: The hair. The hair gives her more strength in the daytime.

Privileged To Disaster: When a yacht explodes, Turf suspects a faked death and shows up at the presumed victim's home to interview his spouse, only to find Surf already there with his shirt off.

Turf: You have a way of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. How do you know this woman?
Surf: (pleadingly) I need about an hour to complete this interview, Turf.
Woman. You both can leave.
Turf: You be quiet, ma'am. The detective says he has a few more questions. Surf, I'll be at the bar. Call me when you get done here.
Surf: Thanks, Turf. You turned out to be a pretty good guy.
Turf: You would do the same for me. Please remember that.

Where To Get Fish - Motts Channel Seafood

http://www.geocities.com/mottschannel/Information.htm

No boat? No fishing rod or spear gun? Hate cleaning fish but love to eat them? Then roll you fat ass over to Motts and get fresh catch anytime you are in the mood for seafood. The prices are very good for some of this stuff. One of the little secrets around here is that a lot of the restaurants get their seafood from Motts. So fire up the grill or stove and eat for less by cooking at home. It is really hard to fuck up cooking a fish, and since there is supposed to be a recession on, $20 will go a long way.

The location is easy to forget about since it is tucked way back past Old Causeway Drive. When you get there you'll be greeted by a lazy cat, and once inside the choices of frozen and fresh seafood are laid out in front of you. They have a nice selection of sauces and spices to go with fish, and you can always ask the very friendly staff for suggestions. There's great prices on oysters, and it is the best place to get live bait if you want to go to the trouble of catching fish.

According to http://hubpages.com/hub/Buying-Fish-and-Seafood-from-a-Grocery-Store:

Ask to smell the fish (fresh fish doesn't smell)

Fresh fillets should be shiny

Look at the edges of the fish (shouldn't have discoloration)

Ask a lot of questions ( when, where, how)

Whole fish (shiny eyes)

Live shellfish (no open or broken shells)

Enjoy!

Next: Action, Carolina Style!

Where To Drink - Banks Channel Pub and Grill

www.myspace.com/bankschannel

530 Causeway Drive Wrightsville Beach, NC 28480 910-256-2269

Banks Channel is the name of a waterway, and not such a clean one at that. "Are we going to Banks Channel?" causes confusion because people think that you want to go fishing or swimming.

We have tried several times to give this place a shot. The food and drink destination opened this winter with some fanfare and quickly died down to a lull during the summer. The reason for that, we think, is that the location is not well known outside of the beach. There has been a serious uptick in radio promotion recently (they are all over the Penguin), and the review in Star News was complimentary. The food reviews from the locals has been mixed. We decided to try it for ourselves, but we had already had some BBQ at a cookout and decided to just get the drink on.

What is it with all sourpuss bartenders around here. Damn. You are near the beach, man. Lighten the fuck up. Marketing research for bars should suggest that you hire women bartenders because men like that, and it makes women feel empowered that someone else is looking out for them. Simple.

Once we got over feeling that we were doing the dude a favor by walking in there, we started to relax and have a great time. The old Savannahs has been update with a new bar in the back and new furniture, but the feeling of nostalgia for the old place was still there. They still have the small bar upfront and the extra room on the side is now a game room. But where the fuck are big high definition TVs? We thought this was to be a sports bar. Sports are to be viewed in HD, on big screens--no excuses! That is why God invented it and that is what makes people happy. If whoever owns that place wants to stay in business, they had better get their shit together and spurge on some screens. What the hell?

Once we chilled out from that, it was time to get down to some drinking. It would seem that this is the place to be during this recession. The daily drink specials are awesome, so awesome that we stopped being annoyed and walked over to the game room that had a pool table, shuffleboard, and electronic darts. Who the fuck plays electric darts. Man, that shit blows chunks. A real dartboard--and you can charge to hand out the darts--would have been much more preferable. Then we looked at the shuffleboard and it had these metal rods sticking out of the middle to prevent you from using it without putting coins in. The best part is that one of the rods was missing. A game started up when we tried to get the weights through the gap in the rod, but then sourpuss came over and told us we would break it. A) It's not going to break. B) We are not paying to play shuffleboard when it is free at Kefi. Principles, man. Drunk principles.

Anyway, we played pool for a bit then realized that we actually like this place. The reason for that is that it is like our own little private bar here on the island. Since no one else goes there, it felt really good to be able to raise hell without annoying other patrons. It's as if you were living in a mansion and you invited your friends over and you all hung out in the game room of the house. Perfect. That might not be the best thing for a new bar to deal with, but we loved it.

We took a quick look at the menu and thought that some of the food was just a bit too strange sounding for us to try. We'll give the food another shot when we're good and hungry. We are also interested in going back and checking ou the live music on the weekend.We'll see how that goes.

http://www.starnewsonline.com/article/20090722/ARTICLES/907224002/0/NEWS?Title=Restaurant-review-Banks-Channel-elevates-simple-bar-food-classics

Next: It's Getting Fishy Up At Motts

Where To Drink - The Whiskey - Downtown Wilmington

http://www.myspace.com/wilmingtonwhiskey

There are are quite a few places to hear live music in downtown Wilmington; there is none as intimate and friendly as the Whiskey. It has new owners, but the quality of the bands has gotten even better. There is live music throughout the week, and their Myspace page shows a wide variety of music taste that is young, hip, and way cool.

You could miss it as you walk past the corner Market and Front streets. Once inside, you'll find the space to be deceptively small, but once the night gets going you''ll see that it fits a good size crowd. And it is the size of the place that helps the tremendous acoustics once the bands get going.

They didn't name it The Whiskey for nothin'; there is a great selection of the stuff, and the drinks are made to get you nice and loaded. We don't know anyone who has ever complained about weak drinks at this place. They have Fat Tire, Magic Hat, Guiness and Blue Moon on tap. The crowd is good mix of UNCW, surfer, and downtown rocker. Everyone gets along, and we have rarely fights there, which is not typical of most downtown venues.

If you have not been there before, or not in a while, you need to acquaint yourself with the Whiskey. Tell Andrew that the Wrightsville Beach Bums sent you, and you will get charged exactly what you would have been charged otherwise.

Next: Banks Channel Is An Ill-Advised Name For a Restaurant

Videos de Tiempo. No Bueno

http://www.weather.com/multimedia/videoplayer.html?clip=14902&from=hp_main_tab3

The Racial Profile Summit - A Tipping Point...In the History Of Beer

It keeps getting weirder...

"The President will drink Bud Light. As I understand it -- I have not heard this, I've read this, so I'll just repeat what I've read, that Professor Gates said he liked Red Stripe, and I believe Sergeant Crowley mentioned to the President that he liked Blue Moon. So we'll have the gamut covered tomorrow afternoon. I think we're still thinking, weather permitting, the picnic table out back." - Spokesman

Let's TRY to parody how this unfunny photo-op now occupying the national focus, while his own party fucks him over on the health care initiative, may have unfolded:


Obama: I think I'll be having the Framboise Lambic. Michelle and I often enjoy that on our date nights.
Chief of Staff: Most American drink crap beer like Bud Light. That's what you'll have to maintain your everyman, every nationality public face.
Obama: O.K. Sounds good.


Gates: To show my unity with my black brothers oppressed all over the world, I'm drinking the stubby Red Stripe, mon. Power to the people!.. Who actually owns the brewery?


Crowly: I gotta' keep my wits about me and drink Blue Moon, but I'm bringing my flask of scotch for after I split. Hope I don't have to take this guy down again.

Bush Jr.: What the hell! You told me no alchohol has ever been allowed in the White House, Lara!


Have fun drinking beer, gentlemen. We will try to do the same. (Cough)







Next: Have Some Whiskey That Beer

Where To Have Desert - Original Ice Cream Stand At Wrightsville Beach

3 N. Lumina Avenue Between WB Supply Company and Red Dogs 910-520-2122

We failed at hating on cupcakes. We won't try to hate on ice cream. We'll just drop the hardcore exterior facade and say that ice cream is another universal crowd-pleaser. This outdoor "I scream" stand has been in this location for over ten years, and every summer it is mobbed by children and grateful parents, and by adults that are craving the afternoon or after-dinner desert treat.

The waffle cone is big enough to fit two over-sized scoops. The chocolate shake is the best milkshake seller, and the strawberry-banana flavor is tops in the smoothie category. There are also a few flavors of Italian Ice available.

http://www.zingersicecream.com/history.htm has pretty much all you need to know about this concoction, including this interesting bit of info:
Give credit to Nancy Johnson. In 1847 she developed the first hand-crank ice cream maker, and despite what you might read elsewhere, received a patent for it. Much of the confusion (and lack of credit) to Ms. Johnson comes from the fact that she sold her rights to William Young for just $200 (still a pretty good sum in those days). He at least had the courtesy to call the machine the “Johnson Patent Ice-Cream Freezer.”

So if you feel the need to find a sweet treat on a warm summers day or night, you can head down to Lumina Avenue and enjoy the warm air on the stand's long bench, or you can pick up some to rush back to the house and slurp.

Next: Less Talky, More Drinky

Where To Have Coffee - Port City Java - Lumina Station

http://www.portcityjava.com/

No. We are not saying that you avoid what was once a proud, local bean roaster that quickly turned into a giant corporation that shamelessly bled it's workers and customers for the sake of the almighty profit. The allegations and counter allegations that nearly brought the company to it's knees last year are simply the visible scars that were revealed to the public. The drama is detailed below:
http://www.wwaytv3.com/taxonomy/term/1200/allButytv3.com/taxonomy/term/1200/all

But WAY before that, there were signals that all was not well with the brand. It was being broadcast from the front line of the company's true customer relations department: it's workers. At the time, the company did not care about anything but the day's receipts.

According to the employees, their pay was low and they relied on tips to supplement a barely reasonable income; that made them resentful of customers who are not good tippers. They did not get overtime for Christmas hours or any holiday hours that they worked. The stores were constantly under pressure to perform better than last quarter by any means, while the continued expansion of new store (even internationally) continued to build the face of the brand and not the infrastructure.

We have always been skeptical of their Fairganic campaign, which purports to help poor coffee farmers, as just another ploy by a big-ass corporation to make you feel less guilty about the coffee-sustained despots in Third World countries that you are supporting by paying $4 for a fuckin' latte. The new president of the company pitches the case for Fairganic here: http://www.welcome-mag.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=7041&Itemid=31

Let's take care of your poor American employees first, buddy. Then you can start worrying about farmers who don't even know where there coffee goes once it hits the market.

With a new leadership in place, and a fresh promise to address the needs and suggestions of employees and customers, we wish Port City the very best on their new lease on business life.

-----------------------

Anyway. The Port City Java at Lumina Station is the jewel of the franchise. There is really nothing about the inside of the store that differentiates it from the others. Actually, it has a more cramped interior than most of the other locations. What makes this one special is that it is located in the manicured garden jubilee that is Lumina Station. You can should get your coffee and sit outside and enjoy a cool breeze in the shade. The tall trees , flowers, and the privacy of the raised bed planters that face the parking lot, add a special feel to an outdoor seating area that is unmatched by any other coffee space in town.

The people watching experience is also awesome. Just about everyone that works at Lumina Station will drop in for coffee throughout the morning, and we have seen some high-powered informal meetings take place in which million dollar homes changed hands thanks to Intracoastal Realty, which is located next door.

The Landfill regulars, and the daytime shoppers, also add to the exclusive feel of this location. It is a great place to bring children and a friendly dog to have a relaxing coffee break. We never liked the food at Port City Java. You could have the bagels or maybe a muffin, but the wraps, sandwiches, and other prepared foods were a disaster that needed to be fixed. Try the new sandwich selection to see if there has been improvement. We're a bit gun-shy after trying items from the previous menu, so you need to find out for yourself and give your feedback. And, we are not big fans of their coffee, which is better than Starbucks, but still not that great. However, there are no shortage of loyal customers that strongly disagree with that assessment. (This run-on paragraph was hastily written while hopped up on coffee.)

Next: Ice Cream, Blacula. Ice Cream.

Raise Your Glasses And Cups To The Fallen: To Rex

If tears could build a stairway and memories were a lane
We would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again
No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why
Our hearts still ache in sadness and secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one will ever know
But now we know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store
Since you'll never be forgotten
We pledge to you today
A cherished place within our heart
Is where you'll always stay

What Not To Eat - Any Sushi, Anywhere, Ever

In the 1920's, anything Japanese was considered cool in the U.S. We adopted their garden architecture, art, and food. Then the first sushi restaurants opened in New York and San Fransisco, and we have not looked back since.

Yes, we know it supposed to be healthy. Yes, we know the presentation can seem sooo exotic. Yes, we know it makes chicks moist when they eat it. That last reason should be enough to get us to condone the eating of sushi, but it is not gonna' happen because mercury in the fish supply is way more unhealthy than the benefits of eating certain raw fish.
From: http://www.nrdc.org/health/effects/mercury/sushi.asp

Guide to Mercury in Sushi
Women who are pregnant or planning to become pregnant should be especially careful about eating sushi. Many of the fish chosen for sushi are the apex predators of the fish food chain, which means they can bear high concentrations of mercury. The following list highlights sushi choices highest and lowest in mercury.

LOWER MERCURYAkagai (ark shell) 1Anago (conger eel) 1Aoyagi (round clam) Awabi (abalone) 1Ayu (sweetfish) Ebi (shrimp)* Hamaguri (clam) Hamo (pike conger; sea eel) 1Hatahata (sandfish) Himo (ark shell) 1Hokkigai (surf clam) Hotategai (scallop)* Ika (squid) Ikura (salmon roe) Kaibashira (shellfish) Kani (crab) Karei (flatfish) Kohada (gizzard shad) Masago (smelt egg) Masu (trout) Mirugai (surf clam) Sake (salmon) Sayori (halfbeak) 1Shako (mantis shrimp) Tai (sea bream) 1Tairagai (razor-shell clam) 1Tako (octopus) Tobikko (flying fish egg) Torigai (cockle) Tsubugai (shellfish) Unagi (freshwater eel) 1Uni (sea urchin roe)

HIGH MERCURYAhi (yellowfin tuna)Aji (horse mackerel) 1Buri (adult yellowtail) 1Hamachi (young yellowtail) 1Inada (very young yellowtail) 1Kanpachi (very young yellowtail) 1Katsuo (bonito) 1Kajiki (swordfish)*Maguro (bigeye*, bluefin* or yellowfin tuna)Makjiki (blue marlin)*Meji (young bigeye*, bluefin* or yellowfin tuna)Saba (mackerel)Sawara (Spanish mackerel)Seigo (young sea bass)*Shiro (albacore tuna)Suzuki (sea bass)*Toro (bigeye*, bluefin* or yellowfin tuna)

O.K. Then there's the fact that the greed of the Japanese tuna market is poised to destroy what is left of the planet's bluefin tuna population. A bluefin caught off the coast of Maine is shipped to Japan and then back to your plate after the price has been gouged more times than a middle-aged courtesan.
http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/nature/revealed-the-bid-to-corner-worlds-bluefin-tuna-market-1695479.html
and
http://trueslant.com/hivemind/2009/07/10/is-the-mafia-stealing-your-tuna/your-tuna/

So the next time your partner suggest that you go out to eat sushi, make sure you accept to make them happy and horny, then go to the bathroom and use your fingers to get rid of the poison, order some saki, and reap the benefits of a sushi-induced aphrodisiac evening. Bluefin tuna sashimi supercedes blue balls everytime.

Next: A Prayer For Rex

Sick Joke Of The Week - Roberts Market - Southport, NC

This is a joke, right? They did not give Southport a better Robert's (veggies look good!) and left us hanging by filling our Robert's with Rita's and Port City Java and less foodstuff? Who knew?

http://stjamesmarina.net/Roberts.html

http://akamai.myvirtualpaper.com/doc/Vincent-Publishing/2008_St._James_Fall_DE/2008082201/44.html

Next: Stick To The Figurative Sushi

Where To Eat - Two Guys Grille

http://www.twoguysgrille.com/

Wrightsville Beach 7110 Wrightsville Ave. Wilmington, NC 28403 Phone: 910-256-3339
College Road 1201 S. College Rd. Wilmington, NC 28403 Phone: 910-794-3329

We never understood how the French word that refers to a metal wall or plate with holes that allows air through it (grille) replaced the English word for a place that food that is grilled (grill), but whatever. English is a constantly changing language and restaurants now call themselves grille all the time. Just goes to show that we don't know squat.


Two Guys Grille is named for the two partners that started the venture. They opened a location on College Road in Wilmington to tap into that very eager and hungry market of college students that line up near the UNCW campus. It's also a great location for traffic that is riding to and from I-40. The original local location, at the other side of the drawbridge from WB, is where we have had a chance to try most of the menu.

Faye had the burger, which was really not that special, but it was a good burger by burger standards. My favorite items are the Classic Rueben and any of the great chicken sandwiches. There's also a great selection of seafood sandwiches which is a nice addition to have when you are anywhere near the beach. The fries are real potato--always a good thing. And you should ALWAYS ask for the sweet potato fries. Vegetarians should hook up with the Black Bean Philly; it is exceptional.

Look. What you have to understand about Two Guys is that it is excellent, young people fast food. The decor, which relies on the surfboard theme, is geared toward the young and the young at heart. It's basically a surf diner. It's good. It's not great, but you'll be able to find stuff you like. Give it a try and go from there. It can get a little noisy and irritating around lunch time because of of the din from the crowd noise and kids (Learn to put a leash on your kids, people. It's not your living room and we're trying to eat!), but sitting outside at either location is far more pleasant.

We do not recommend that you get the food to go, because like most food of this type, it will not taste as good once you get home and it's all soggy; it is a diner, after all. Oh. Sorry. It's a grille.

Next: Get Your Veggies In Southport

Help Send Three Local Surf Friends To Hawaii

Electric Sunglasses is holding a contest that will send three employees from the shop that sells the most frames on an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii. All they have to do is sell the most frames before September 7th, 2009.

We encourage everyone to go to Wrightsville Beach Supply Company and pick up a pair of shades so that three of our local friends can get in the surfing of a lifetime.

Next: Grilleing With The Two Guys

Town Targeting Local Bar On Sketchy Noise Complaints?

The previous article took the stance that the sound of breaking bottles is a very disconcerting event that detrimentally affects the body's chemical balance and may drive you bat shit crazy if you have to often deal with it. We were talking about that happening over the course of hours and not at the end of a business day for a few seconds.

Last weekend, according to the Lumina News: "John Paul Joseph Shellem, a manager at Red Dogs, was cited for a noise violation and then was later arrested for dumping empty bottles. He was transported to the New Hanover County Sheriff's Office where he received a $600 secured bond."

It is the job of the staff on duty of any bar to empty the bottles into containers for the purpose of recycling and health. It would appear, from words exchanged with the officers on the scene, that vague noise violation statutes are being enforced at a higher rate this year than usual. In the past, a courteous knock on the door or a warning ticket had been the method of dealing with unruly neighbors, but in recent months officers have been seen sitting outside Lagerheads with a decibel meter and they have now banned the 35 year old routine practice of emptying empty bottles.

Noise violations are usually not enforced after 7 AM because that is when construction can begin. Perhaps it is the wish of the residents who complained (if they even exist, because cops have been known to make shit up) that the staff of Red Dogs come into work at 7 AM, gather all the bottles they can from their other friends that own bars all across Wilmington and Wrightsville Beach, and dump thousands of bottles into the container. They could do this every morning until the neighbors complain and Red Dogs is allowed to take out the trash as it has been doing long before the owners of the new houses behind it were lucky enough to not be cum stains on their daddy's balls.

There's more to come on this issue.

Next: Electric Hawaii Contest

Smashing The Bottle Over Your Own Head

http://stress.about.com/od/stressmanagementglossary/g/FightorFlight.htm

As you may have heard, the recycling laws for NC bars have resulted in the separation of bottles and cans by bartenders while they are serving customers. On busy nights, they tend to become adept at tossing the bottles from a few feet away, in order to save time and attend to more people. The smaller the bar, the more likely it will be that bottles are getting smashed into other bottles in the bottle garbage can, since a larger bar would have a bar attendant to quietly dispose of the bottles, or have more containers for bottles set up closer to the bartender. (That's a world record for using the word "bottle" in a paragraph.)

Sound is created by pressure change in the air. The measurement of that change is in units called Hertz. Humans recognize sounds from 20 hertz to 20 Kilohertz. Breaking glass is at about 3 to 5 Kilohertz (3-5 thgousand hertz) and are probably amplified within the garbage can which would act as a megaphone cone. It is also preferable to the bar establishments that the glass bottles break within the can so that they can fit more into the outdoor recycling bin.

Forcefully smashing bottles into a container that projects a loud sound and constantly elicits a fight-or-flight response from customers would not be considered the best way to run a bar in a world with common sense, but there are exceptions: say the music in the bar or nightclub is already really loud, as to exceed the sound of the breaking glass. But if the bar is relatively quiet, and you are smashing bottles into a container, you are wrecking your hearing, the hearing of whoever else is nearby, and you are doing something even stupider: you are making your customers uncomfortable and basically telling them to get the hell out of your bar which takes money out the door.
Now go break some more glass to try to exorcise you personal demons. Uga Booga!

Next: "Who is it?" "Hooker." "Go away."

Visit The Wrightsville Beach Museum of History

http://www.wbmuseum.com/

If you are a tourist you are bound to miss it, which is a shame because it is designed and maintained for you. If you live near here, you've walked by it or driven past it many times without noticing that is tucked away near the tennis courts off Salisbury Street. Either way, you are missing a treat if you don't park your car and take a few minutes out of your day to enjoy one of the few hidden jewels the island has to offer. Take a loved one, the kids, or a couple of friends and get a feel for how the island paradise originated and how it changed over the years.

The museum's website does not convey the scale of what we consider to be one of the coolest miniature representation of bygone days. Encased in glass, and highly detailed, this bird's eye view of old-time Fantasy Island will impress the hell out of adult and kids alike. There are great photos and reconstructed rooms inside the cottage, and it is all a must-see. A piece of the railroad that used to bring the train to the island sits out front and....ah, just go see this cool place already, and realize that progress is not always a good thing when it messes up something that was so pretty.

The staff was very friendly and they took the time to explain just about every artifact. It made us kind of feel that they don't get many visitors there to gush about the wonder that was Wrightsville Beach. You should get over there soon.

Next: ?

Things That Suck

Web Theme - Sucka' MCs

Here's a short list of things on the web that suck. Some are serious and some are tongue-in-cheek. Get it? Ha...that sucked.

Why Facebook Sucks
http://vanelsas.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/5-reasons-why-facebook-sucks/

Skateboarding Sucks
http://www.skateboardingsucks.com/

iPhone Sucks Also
http://iphonesucks.blogspot.com/

Twitter Sucks More
http://nakedpr.com/2007/12/18/my-beef-with-twitter/

BB&T Sucks Worser
http://www.usatoday.com/money/perfi/credit/2009-07-08-banks-overdraft-fees_N.htm

This E-mag
http://wrightsvillebeachbum.blogspot.com/

Discuss Race Relations Over Beer? Usually, Not A Good Idea - Grin And Beer It - Part 3

On Wednesday we posted a photo of President Obama drinkin' a beer with common folk while he was on the campaign trail. On Friday, Mr. Cool invited the police officer that arrested the highest regarded American black academic (in his own home) to the White House for a beer, as a way to diffuse the political faux pas he made by saying the officer had "acted stupidly."

You don't have to respect the President and his views (it's not in the Constitution) but you have to now respect one thing that makes this asshole a little better than the last one--the motherfucker drinks beer!

Dr. Henry Gates, the arrested, was also invited to the kegger. But what kind of beer does the cop drink? We will bet you a thousand dollars it is not the same beer those two rich, black, university graduates drink!

Ha, Ha. That's America. Now everyone shut up and get back to something important... And you hurry up and fix every other problem, Hope Guy. Cheers.
------------------------------------------
Here are a few more beers that are selling hot on the WB this summer:

Dead Guy Ale - It's got lots of barley flavor. It taste like it has a high alcohol content but it's only 6.6, and it sells to a lot of people who want to look like they are boozing but are actually taking it normal. Come on. Dead Guy Ale? You should be dead after drinking 10 of those, right? Wrong? The ones who drink Dead Guy just know better than to be seen with beers that taste like crap and fillers AND have no kick. http://www.rogue.com/beers/dead-guy-ale.php

Blue Moon - It's one of the few beers, if not the only one, that is actually improved with the addition of citrus. It's usually served with a slice of orange, and if you are used to it like that and you go somewhere where they are out of orange slices, you will realize it is just an O.K. tasting beer. But with a big slice of orange squeezed into it, it is the most refreshing, abnormally good tasting beers on the market. Once again, it's very medium on the alc. content list so you can drink them up without getting messed up. http://www.bluemoonbrewingcompany.com/

Magic Hat - Vermont is way ahead of Colorado microbrew-wise. There are microbreweries in practically every gas station and convenience store. For some reason this is the brew that has caught on nationally and has benefited from its excellent marketing and graphic design. How is the beer? It is crisp and has a bit of bite, sort of like a Vermont winter morning. Again, medium alc. content and you can knock back quite a few during the day and not appear completely stupid and shit-faced.http://www.magichat.net/ By the way, Tim Burton designed a very annoying website for this company!

All of these beers are sipped by the cool, hippie types. Odds are that if you are trying to get some smokes and see someone drinking any of the above beers, you should go hang out with them. Just kidding. There are no longer any such people as hippies and our state does not yet see the value of taxable revenue in the sale of another mind-alteration substance besides alcohol.

Next?

Trying To Raise Money To Purchase Dog With Five Legs

Please mail your donations so that we can add this adorable pup to our Loop Puppy Rental Service Kennel. We truly believe that this amazing, cute pup will be best served by being a part of our outcall service. Thanks. http://www.myspace.com/palmroom

Full Story:

http://www.nypost.com/seven/07232009/news/regionalnews/brooklyn/fight_breaks_out_over_five_legged_puppy_180899.htm

We are also considering adding this other adorable animal, although it is a cat...with wings.

Next: Beer Heals All (Perceived) Wounds

Atencion Turistas!! Es Muy Importante! Es Muy Peligroso!! Andale!!

http://www.bestplaces.net/City/Wrightsville_Beach-North_Carolina.asp

Click on the Overview items within the link for more info. Here are a few cool ejemplos:

Our cost of living indices are based on a US average of 100. An amount below 100 means Wrightsville Beach, NC is cheaper than the US average. A cost of living index above 100 means Wrightsville Beach, NC is more expensive. Overall, Wrightsville Beach, NC cost of living is 229.81.
(***Note: Jesus y Marias! Donde tequila de chicha y nabo?)

There are 352 physicians per 100,000 population in Wrightsville Beach, NC. The US average is 170.
(***Note: That's GREAT news! Take that, US Average!)

Air quality in Wrightsville Beach, NC is 39 on a scale to 100 (higher is better). This is based on ozone alert days and number of pollutants in the air, as reported by the EPA.
(***Note: Getting worried...underarm sweating...throat scratchy.)

Water quality in Wrightsville Beach, NC is 68 on a scale to 100 (higher is better). The EPA has a complex method of measuring watershed quality using 15 indicators.
(***Note: Whew! We were worried for a minute there. Wait. What do they mean by "complex method?" Agua de Playa Wrightsvillo no bueno, papi?)

Superfund index is 20 on a scale to 100 (higher is better). This is upon the number and impact of EPA Superfund pollution sites in the county, including spending on the cleanup efforts.
(***Alert! You tourists need to get the hell out of here while you can still have babies. Just be sure to spend all you vacation money first. Thanks.)

The median home cost in Wrightsville Beach is $743,480. Home appreciation the last year has been -8.90 percent.
(***Note: Why are the rents going up? Taxes. Click on the link for even cooler stats and to fret about other towns. Frankly, we're not believing any on these numbers. That would mean that this is a terrible place to live, and it is not so...)

Next: Five Lies Don't Make A Right, But Five Legs Do.

Grin And Beer It - Part 2

Sierra Nevada - This beer seems to be consistently popular with the just-over-thirty crowd that are in a mellow mood and want to stay that way; they are not the type to do shots or get in fights. This beer is just like the people who drink it: smooth, calm, and kind of hippie boring. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sierra_Nevada_Brewing_Company

Fat Tire - Oh, the hoopla created over the introduction of this Colorado beer to the beach was even bigger than the screams about Michael passing away. The excitement seems to have died down quite a bit, and there seem to be less and less people ordering the 22 oz., $5 bottles that were so hot in the springtime. That's too bad because it is a very, very good beer. The reaction from most people seems to be that it is way too sweet, but that flavor sort of goes away once you get half way through the bottle, and the high you get from drinking a bottle is a very happy feeling. The price is probably what is keeping the sales down, plus the fact that such a large bottle will get warm real quick like out on the porch in the warm air of the South, while it may have been fine in Colorado. It's also a great bottle to use for hitting people over the head. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Belgium_Brewing_Company

Pacifico - This is one of the better sellers on the island. It taste way better than Corona and, once again, you get that feeling of being in Mexico and being all beachy. Lots of the surfing types swear by this beer and will drink the hell out of it when it's affordable. Tower 7 and Lagerheads sell a shitload of the stuff all year round, so get on the bandwagon and give it a swig. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pac%C3%ADfico

Next: Es Mal, Chica. Es Muy Mal.

Where To Eat And Drink - Downtown Wilmington - Hell's Kitchen

http://www.hellskitchenbar.com/

When a fire ravaged the club next door on New Year's Day 2009, the smoke damage to Hell's Kitchen was too extensive to avoid not doing some remodeling. Fans of Dawson's Creek will still feel right at home in a bar that was a featured interior set for the show for over five years, from 1998 to 2003. The floor, ceiling, tables, and chairs all have fresh coats of paint and polish that have essentially remade the formerly grimy Hell's Kitchen into something more like the Gordon Ramsey's versions of the same name. It's more like Hell's Demo Kitchen in there, and it is a pleasant change that is easy to get used to.

Not much else has changed. The menu is still the same; it features good, affordable bar food. The musical lineup is still the same; they feature plenty of local bands. The service is still the same; it's professional and speedy.

We were there recently for Monday Night Trivia. There was a sedate crowd for a warm night and it was a far cry from Kefi's boisterous version on Wednesday night. Nevertheless, everyone seemed to be having a great time, and the host seemed to have no problem rattling off questions and answers. We're not exactly saying it was boring, but... O.K. It was boring, and so is this article. What did we expect for an early Monday night? Check it out for yourself on a more hopping evening.

Next: More Local's Beer Favorites

Downtown Wilmington Is Going To The Young Dogs!

If you happen to stroll through downtown Wilmington lately, you will see a changing of the guard that is positive sign of progress. There are many new businesses owned by young people who have chosen to tough out the sagging economy by harnessing their ingenuity and become entrepreneurs.

Everywhere you turn you'll see innovative young people successfully making their own path. It started years ago with The Whiskey, Cape Fear Beer and Wine, and Edge of Urge, and there are now more and more young turks ready to pick up the slack as businesses like Kingoff's flee what is no longer their target market area. Did you know that there are now TWO skate shops on Front Street that are thriving?

This week marks the first week that we featured an upstart startup business (Coastal Cupcakes), and we now realize that it is time to start featuring other businesses that are near enough for you to visit, whether they are established or new to downtown Wilmington.

Next: Hell's Kitchen Is Too Clean

Sick Joke Of The Week

This is not really a Sprite ad, but it's still not right.



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/20/sprite-blow-job-ad-banned_n_240851.html

Mayoral Election Opponents Set To Roll

http://www.luminanews.com/article.asp?aid=4612&iid=175&sud=30

Most people in this country don't live anywhere where the incumbent mayor runs for reelection unopposed. You would have to live in the most backward small town, politically apathetic banana republic, Middle East oligarchy, or Eastern European police state, to run for a high-profile office like mayor of a profitable town completely unopposed. That's exactly what happened with the last mayoral election at Wrightsville Beach, NC.

The results have been mixed, but the response to citizens complaints have been swiftly addressed and resolved by a mayor and Board of Alderman that often lean toward strict interpretation of the law. The fear of the outsiders (tourists and off-islanders) have resulted in a set of regulations that have quietly enforced the foundations of exclusivity that had kept Fantasy Island out of the spotlight for so long. Some frequent visitors have been quietly going to Carolina Beach and elsewhere on the Outer Banks to enjoy the sunshine with their families and friends. WB is just too much trouble, they say.

Have you seen many dogs on The Loop this summer? Do you know someone who has been pulled over for the ubiquitous reason of going five miles over the speed limit? Do you know someone who has gotten a noise complaint ticket without getting a warning to turn it down? Have certain businesses been targeted for tickets while others have not. Do you know someone that's been treated discourteously by peace officers for the slightest infractions of the law. How many people do you know were detained for blowing exactly .08 on the Breathalyzer, without ever seeing the number. Is The Plan working perfectly?

The Internet has already caught the town off-guard. A few Myspace pages with photos of the beach, the bars, and Masonboro Island is all that's been needed to get half of Goldsboro down here for the weekend. And it is now impossible to hide this little jewel of the coast from prying eyes with the advent of this: http://maps.google.com/help/maps/streetview/%20It It's coming soon. We do live at the terminus of a highway.

Soon a new Mr. Roark may be chosen to lead the town into the next decade of the Computer Age, since there are two men now running for the office of mayor. The foundation of American democracy--the small town election--is about to get another test, and we encourage everyone to play a part. We wish the best of luck to both men. The person with the most votes will win but, at least, this time we have a choice.

http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSTRE56J4UK20090720

Next: Sprite. Better Than Cupcakes.

Where To Eat Desert - Coastal Cupcakes

http://www.coastalcupcakes.com/Home/tabid/36/Default.aspx

A few months ago, the new location near the foot of the drawbridge, on the Wilmington side, opened and we thought, "Cupcakes? Who will buy cupcakes?" It turns out that most people can't bake them, and they will buy them.

We had heard about the one downtown doing well at its location on Princess Street but lets face it, downtown is full of freaks. Walking down there is like walking on the wild side of a community college. Wait! What? Why would these wannabe Bohemians, short-haired lesbians, and the grand kids of punk rockers want to eat cupcakes? There was no easy answer until the Wrightsville Avenue location opened. Then we realized that EVERYONE loves cupcakes! A history of the origins of this people-pleaser is detailed below:

http://iml.jou.ufl.edu/projects/Spring07/Ayers/history.html

Cupcakes are a comfort food, and they are not very expensive, which makes them the perfect recession food. A quick bite on-the-go works, or you can grab a few for desert if you plan on cooking dinner at home. It's like your own little birthday cake that you can have on any day. Want to soften up a potential love interest? Offer them one or two of these babies, along with some flowers, and watch the sparks fly in your direction. Awwww.

Alright, this is turning weepy. Isn't there something to be hated about cupcakes and the people who eat them? Otherwise, this is going to be one soppy review. We tried really hard to nitpick and be snobby about Coastal Cupcakes, but we could not find one gosh-darned thing to fault. See, even this article has become devoid of curse words and vitriol, because cupcakes really do put you in a great mood. This is one of the few businesses that has something for everyone. You like chocolate, vanilla, key lime, cream cheese? Check. There are even daily specials that round out the usual offerings:

http://www.coastalcupcakes.com/Menu/tabid/57/Default.aspx

The two bakery locations are spotless and have the daily assortment of small batches laid out behind glass at the counter. The attendants at both places were courteous, friendly, and bright-eyed. Just try to smile before they do when you walk in. Impossible. The colors in the stores conveyed happiness; even the angriest person will walk in there and by softened by the ambiance. We felt slightly manipulated by the color scheme until we ate a couple of the cakes--then we felt completely manipulated. Creammmm cheese frosting... Good. Thank you, cupcake lady godesses.

Next: Mr. Mayor. Points Of Order...