http://wikimapia.org/77517/Johnny-Mercer-pier
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Mercer
Do you even know who he is, wippersnapper? You don't? Then get off my lawn!
No one can knock this dude's legacy. He wrote a lot of tunes that assured a lot of babies being born. Matter of fact, anyone born from 1936 -1965 was probably conceived with the lyrics of Johnny Mercer playing while their dad "forgot" to pull out or their mom was up to her whole "I'm going to get pregnant so he won't leave me" trick again. Mercer is probably the reason you are reading this crappy blog right now. So why don't you do yourself a favor and pay tribute to his legacy by reverentially taking a second look at the man's music catalog on Amazon. (And so begins the crass commercialization of this blog. We'll be adding ads and t-shirts soon, too.)
But what the fuck? People spell his name all kinds of different around here (even in this blog). Is it Johnnie, Johnney, or Jonney?
Jeepers Creepers, You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby, The Summer Wind...the list of his great songs goes on and on, but hardly anybody remembers Mercer anymore and it's not like the pier is based on preserving his legacy. It is however based on chintzy commercialism, with the focus on cheap tourist trap crap that you could find at any beach gift shop, some fairly decent food, outdated video games, and the charge of a couple of bucks to pay for the opportunity to (maybe) catch a few fish for dinner off the pier. But besides all that condescending marketing, we still found five reasons Johnny Mercer's Pier rules!
1 - It's made of concrete and will outlast you. Most other piers are made of wood and are not that long. Maybe the reason it doesn't get a lot more visitors is because it is pretty scary out there. You feel suspended in air, above the ocean, with a huge sky. Yeah
, when they built this baby they did not figure it would scare people away instead of attracting them. Oh, and having grates on the floor so you can see the ocean doesn't freakin' help! But there is something to be said for the feeling of stability and the lack of the creaking sounds that wooden piers have.
2 - It's open and free of an admission charge at night! And that can only mean one thing: nighttime makeout sessions, or "romantic walks in the moonlight," as the chicks like to call it.
Avoiding the creepy fisherman types who materialize like ghosts out of the darkness is always weird, though. What the fuck is up with those dudes? It's like 2:30 AM, you're trying to have a good time with this week's love interest and here comes Jethro the Fisherman, tweeked out of his mind with fishing poles and a bucket that may or may not have several parts of his wife's body in it that he's going to feed to sharks (that actually only feed at night). Then there's the cut up bait-fish and random 3 -4 inch hooks laying around. Throw in the VERY dim lighting up there and it's like a ride at a Haunted Mansion amusement ride, but scary real. Let's just call it Johnny Mercer's Killer Pier of Seaside Death. So the lights are dim so you can see the stars better? What happened to safety first? Stars are not as important as avoiding a $900 visit to Urgent Care when a hook gets through your thin-ass flip flops and into you toes. It would be also better to see who you just picked up at the bar and have been kissing for five minutes. Jeepers creepers fo' sure, Johnny.
So why is that awesome? Well everyone knows that a good scare and a reassuring "I'll protect you, baby." are words that has Johnny Mercer smiling in hell right now knowing that he will be responsible for e
ven more bastard children. Way to go, John. The summer wind, indeed.
3 - You can fish off the end that there sucker. If you like to fish, that is. But maybe you are one of them pussies that likes to spend a whole bunch of money at Harris Cheater and don't want to know where your food come from. Well lemme' tell you sumthin', boy. You better get with the program, 'cause when Boratshit Insane Obama declares marshall law and tries to take away states rights and stuff, it's only the ones of us that know how to fish and hunt that are going to be alive! We're goin' to usin' the carcasses of our enemies off the end of that there Mercer pier and enjoyin' the full bounties of God's blue ocean! You?
4 - Breakfast. It's cheap and it's good. Don't knock it till you've tried it. The omelets are delish. Can't say we can recommend the lunch, but they do breakfast for cheap and good and that is hard to come buy in these snooty parts.
5 - Aw, hell. Guess there are only four.
Next: Book Review
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Mercer
Do you even know who he is, wippersnapper? You don't? Then get off my lawn!
No one can knock this dude's legacy. He wrote a lot of tunes that assured a lot of babies being born. Matter of fact, anyone born from 1936 -1965 was probably conceived with the lyrics of Johnny Mercer playing while their dad "forgot" to pull out or their mom was up to her whole "I'm going to get pregnant so he won't leave me" trick again. Mercer is probably the reason you are reading this crappy blog right now. So why don't you do yourself a favor and pay tribute to his legacy by reverentially taking a second look at the man's music catalog on Amazon. (And so begins the crass commercialization of this blog. We'll be adding ads and t-shirts soon, too.)
But what the fuck? People spell his name all kinds of different around here (even in this blog). Is it Johnnie, Johnney, or Jonney?
Jeepers Creepers, You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby, The Summer Wind...the list of his great songs goes on and on, but hardly anybody remembers Mercer anymore and it's not like the pier is based on preserving his legacy. It is however based on chintzy commercialism, with the focus on cheap tourist trap crap that you could find at any beach gift shop, some fairly decent food, outdated video games, and the charge of a couple of bucks to pay for the opportunity to (maybe) catch a few fish for dinner off the pier. But besides all that condescending marketing, we still found five reasons Johnny Mercer's Pier rules!
1 - It's made of concrete and will outlast you. Most other piers are made of wood and are not that long. Maybe the reason it doesn't get a lot more visitors is because it is pretty scary out there. You feel suspended in air, above the ocean, with a huge sky. Yeah
, when they built this baby they did not figure it would scare people away instead of attracting them. Oh, and having grates on the floor so you can see the ocean doesn't freakin' help! But there is something to be said for the feeling of stability and the lack of the creaking sounds that wooden piers have.2 - It's open and free of an admission charge at night! And that can only mean one thing: nighttime makeout sessions, or "romantic walks in the moonlight," as the chicks like to call it.
Avoiding the creepy fisherman types who materialize like ghosts out of the darkness is always weird, though. What the fuck is up with those dudes? It's like 2:30 AM, you're trying to have a good time with this week's love interest and here comes Jethro the Fisherman, tweeked out of his mind with fishing poles and a bucket that may or may not have several parts of his wife's body in it that he's going to feed to sharks (that actually only feed at night). Then there's the cut up bait-fish and random 3 -4 inch hooks laying around. Throw in the VERY dim lighting up there and it's like a ride at a Haunted Mansion amusement ride, but scary real. Let's just call it Johnny Mercer's Killer Pier of Seaside Death. So the lights are dim so you can see the stars better? What happened to safety first? Stars are not as important as avoiding a $900 visit to Urgent Care when a hook gets through your thin-ass flip flops and into you toes. It would be also better to see who you just picked up at the bar and have been kissing for five minutes. Jeepers creepers fo' sure, Johnny.
So why is that awesome? Well everyone knows that a good scare and a reassuring "I'll protect you, baby." are words that has Johnny Mercer smiling in hell right now knowing that he will be responsible for e
ven more bastard children. Way to go, John. The summer wind, indeed.3 - You can fish off the end that there sucker. If you like to fish, that is. But maybe you are one of them pussies that likes to spend a whole bunch of money at Harris Cheater and don't want to know where your food come from. Well lemme' tell you sumthin', boy. You better get with the program, 'cause when Boratshit Insane Obama declares marshall law and tries to take away states rights and stuff, it's only the ones of us that know how to fish and hunt that are going to be alive! We're goin' to usin' the carcasses of our enemies off the end of that there Mercer pier and enjoyin' the full bounties of God's blue ocean! You?
4 - Breakfast. It's cheap and it's good. Don't knock it till you've tried it. The omelets are delish. Can't say we can recommend the lunch, but they do breakfast for cheap and good and that is hard to come buy in these snooty parts.
5 - Aw, hell. Guess there are only four.
Next: Book Review
