Jerry Allen's Sports Bar. 38 N Lumina Avenue Wrightsville Beach, NC 28480. (910) 256-8286.
So far we've spent the time introducing you to the "need to know" facts about WB in an attempt to get you NOT to come visit. If we've failed so far, and you are still considering vacationing here, we hope the first entry in our list of gastronomical reviews might help change your mind. Just kidding. No, not kidding. OK, you go eat there and make up your own mind.
First up, Jerry Allen's. It's a restaurant and bar that caters to college students and it is billed as a sports bar. It has plenty of TVs and it is a great place to watch a game. The busiest nights are Thursdays when one of the greatest marketing p
rinciples is put into full swing: $1 Domestic Bottles ALL DAY! Yes! One dollar for any domestic bottle! Try beating that shit! Lots of hot chicks and dudes. Surfers mix with "pop collars" and hippies to do something they can all agree with: drink as many bottled beers as possible. Get fucked up on $10! There is also a $2 burger special every day and half price whiskey Wednesdays (even top-shelf)! Sounds great, right? Can't get any better, right? How about half-priced menu every Mon., Wed., Fri., and Sun.? 
From the above description you would think this place would be packed to the gills all night. How come it's only crowded on Thursday (early), Friday (early) and Saturday (early) while Lagerheads (across the street) is packed until 2AM?
Let's start at the top. No live music might be one issue...or...Have you ever been somewhere where some of waitresses made you feel that they were doing you a favor by slinging you beer? Have you ever been in a place where the waitresses were so hung over from the night before that your trying to give them money annoys the shit out of them? Have you ever been in a place that refused to fix the bathrooms even though they are high-traffic? Have you ever been in a place that serves food that gives people the shits? Have you ever been to a place where the chairs scrape across the floor at the worst frequency and the owner just can't seem to get it in his head that they make stick-on tabs that stop that annoying screech, but he would actually have to BUY them? Have you ever been somewhere where the only pleasure the bartender seems to have is SMASHING glass bottles into a can next to your fuckin' ear?
The answer to all the above questions is YES! ABSOLUTELY YOU HAVE! MANY TIMES, AND YOU LOVED IT! That describes most beach bars in this country!
Well, if none of those things are a problem for you, then you can enjoy Jerry Allens. Dollar Domestic Thursdays is still our favorite and it is safe; we don't eat anything while we're there, we pee in cups at the bar and empty it in the garbage, and we don't look the waitresses in the eye. But the most import
ant thing is that we drink eight domestics for $10 because if God wanted us to tip angry servers well he would have given them an orgasm before they came into work so they would seem delighted to have a fuckin' job in this shitty economy.
We will buy Kale or Mike drinks if we see them out, but the rest of them need to lighten up and figure out that their attitude is proportionate to their tip. We don't care how bad your flow is...again..this week. Give us attitude and we'll buy only beer and tip you shit until you get the point! Someone should tell those people to start fake-smiling.
It's a good idea to stick with the healthy fare: salads, wraps, and so on. The wings aren't bad if they are not overcooked, but you only get half the wings on half-price nights. What's up with that?! And the $2 burgers that are supposed to be "All Day" are served until sundown only. Major Jyp!
The rest of the menu tends to be hit and miss (depending on who is cooking) and has been known to cause some indigestion. Just because it's half price doesn't mean you won't pay full price later when your bowels makes a collect call to your stomach. Check please. You have a date with a porcelain goddess who never judges you.
Like anything else in these reviews, don't take our word for it. Go and find out for yourself--then agree with us.
Next: What Not To Do On The Beach
So far we've spent the time introducing you to the "need to know" facts about WB in an attempt to get you NOT to come visit. If we've failed so far, and you are still considering vacationing here, we hope the first entry in our list of gastronomical reviews might help change your mind. Just kidding. No, not kidding. OK, you go eat there and make up your own mind.
First up, Jerry Allen's. It's a restaurant and bar that caters to college students and it is billed as a sports bar. It has plenty of TVs and it is a great place to watch a game. The busiest nights are Thursdays when one of the greatest marketing p
rinciples is put into full swing: $1 Domestic Bottles ALL DAY! Yes! One dollar for any domestic bottle! Try beating that shit! Lots of hot chicks and dudes. Surfers mix with "pop collars" and hippies to do something they can all agree with: drink as many bottled beers as possible. Get fucked up on $10! There is also a $2 burger special every day and half price whiskey Wednesdays (even top-shelf)! Sounds great, right? Can't get any better, right? How about half-priced menu every Mon., Wed., Fri., and Sun.? 
From the above description you would think this place would be packed to the gills all night. How come it's only crowded on Thursday (early), Friday (early) and Saturday (early) while Lagerheads (across the street) is packed until 2AM?
Let's start at the top. No live music might be one issue...or...Have you ever been somewhere where some of waitresses made you feel that they were doing you a favor by slinging you beer? Have you ever been in a place where the waitresses were so hung over from the night before that your trying to give them money annoys the shit out of them? Have you ever been in a place that refused to fix the bathrooms even though they are high-traffic? Have you ever been in a place that serves food that gives people the shits? Have you ever been to a place where the chairs scrape across the floor at the worst frequency and the owner just can't seem to get it in his head that they make stick-on tabs that stop that annoying screech, but he would actually have to BUY them? Have you ever been somewhere where the only pleasure the bartender seems to have is SMASHING glass bottles into a can next to your fuckin' ear?
The answer to all the above questions is YES! ABSOLUTELY YOU HAVE! MANY TIMES, AND YOU LOVED IT! That describes most beach bars in this country!
Well, if none of those things are a problem for you, then you can enjoy Jerry Allens. Dollar Domestic Thursdays is still our favorite and it is safe; we don't eat anything while we're there, we pee in cups at the bar and empty it in the garbage, and we don't look the waitresses in the eye. But the most import
ant thing is that we drink eight domestics for $10 because if God wanted us to tip angry servers well he would have given them an orgasm before they came into work so they would seem delighted to have a fuckin' job in this shitty economy.We will buy Kale or Mike drinks if we see them out, but the rest of them need to lighten up and figure out that their attitude is proportionate to their tip. We don't care how bad your flow is...again..this week. Give us attitude and we'll buy only beer and tip you shit until you get the point! Someone should tell those people to start fake-smiling.
It's a good idea to stick with the healthy fare: salads, wraps, and so on. The wings aren't bad if they are not overcooked, but you only get half the wings on half-price nights. What's up with that?! And the $2 burgers that are supposed to be "All Day" are served until sundown only. Major Jyp!
The rest of the menu tends to be hit and miss (depending on who is cooking) and has been known to cause some indigestion. Just because it's half price doesn't mean you won't pay full price later when your bowels makes a collect call to your stomach. Check please. You have a date with a porcelain goddess who never judges you.
Like anything else in these reviews, don't take our word for it. Go and find out for yourself--then agree with us.
Next: What Not To Do On The Beach
