1 - Don't bring coolers of beer and booze and think that this is Florida. If the cops see you with a can of beer they will fine you $100. You CAN bring cups and pour the beer into the cups, but don't let them see you doing that. If you don't know what dicks they can be you should read the earlier post about the local constabulary. They will walk up to your cooler and tell you to empty every unopened beer can, and that will suck for you.
2 - Do not shake out your sandy towels in the proximity of other beach goers. Simple physics dictates that the very light granules that are trapped in your towel will travel on the air and end up on other people. Roll up your wet, sandy, Sponge Bob towel and take it as far away from others as possible, maybe even near your car, and shake it all day long like a baby that won't stop crying.
3 - Don't drink any fluids. The only bathrooms are located at Johnney Mercers Pier, any bar or restaurant that might be open, and near Wings and Trolley Stop. So if you are not near one of these, avoid drinking fluids on 95-degree days as much as possible. Of course this may lead to dehydration, kidney failure and death.
4 - Don't swim. Under no circumstances should you enter the water with the intention of going for a refreshing swim or for the purpose of exercise. The rip tide at WB are notorious for dragging swimmers to their deaths. Ask Michael Jordan about how the rip tide here almost killed him when he was a kid. Next time you run into Wilmington's most famous person, and he's talking shit (which he often does), just yell, "Hey Micheal, lets go swimming at Wrightsville Beach!" It is is the only thing that is guaranteed to shut that guy up. That's how powerful those words can be. Without some sort of flotation device you are going down to Michael Jordan's childhood friend's town.
5 - For Christ's sake, realize that flip flops are not designed for use on a crowded beach where people are lying down; they kick up a lot of sand that has to land somewhere, usually in someone else's eye. Please remove your flops if the beach is crowded to avoid getting a bottle of sun tan lotion thrown at your head.
6- Should be #1 for EVERYONE! Do not litter and leave your crap to be blown around like you are at Myrtle Beach. Food wrapping, cups, cans, cigarette butts, and your drunk boyfriend are all considered trash and they will end up fuckin' up what is considered to be a very clean piece of coastline. There are garbage cans everywhere, and once they get full it would be nice if you took your shit back to you car and to your house to dispose of them. We know it's asking a lot, but if you can't even do that much after having such a great time it shows a lack of gratitude for a wonderful day.
Next: I'm Not Cheap, My Server Sucked
2 - Do not shake out your sandy towels in the proximity of other beach goers. Simple physics dictates that the very light granules that are trapped in your towel will travel on the air and end up on other people. Roll up your wet, sandy, Sponge Bob towel and take it as far away from others as possible, maybe even near your car, and shake it all day long like a baby that won't stop crying.
3 - Don't drink any fluids. The only bathrooms are located at Johnney Mercers Pier, any bar or restaurant that might be open, and near Wings and Trolley Stop. So if you are not near one of these, avoid drinking fluids on 95-degree days as much as possible. Of course this may lead to dehydration, kidney failure and death.
4 - Don't swim. Under no circumstances should you enter the water with the intention of going for a refreshing swim or for the purpose of exercise. The rip tide at WB are notorious for dragging swimmers to their deaths. Ask Michael Jordan about how the rip tide here almost killed him when he was a kid. Next time you run into Wilmington's most famous person, and he's talking shit (which he often does), just yell, "Hey Micheal, lets go swimming at Wrightsville Beach!" It is is the only thing that is guaranteed to shut that guy up. That's how powerful those words can be. Without some sort of flotation device you are going down to Michael Jordan's childhood friend's town.
5 - For Christ's sake, realize that flip flops are not designed for use on a crowded beach where people are lying down; they kick up a lot of sand that has to land somewhere, usually in someone else's eye. Please remove your flops if the beach is crowded to avoid getting a bottle of sun tan lotion thrown at your head.
6- Should be #1 for EVERYONE! Do not litter and leave your crap to be blown around like you are at Myrtle Beach. Food wrapping, cups, cans, cigarette butts, and your drunk boyfriend are all considered trash and they will end up fuckin' up what is considered to be a very clean piece of coastline. There are garbage cans everywhere, and once they get full it would be nice if you took your shit back to you car and to your house to dispose of them. We know it's asking a lot, but if you can't even do that much after having such a great time it shows a lack of gratitude for a wonderful day.
Next: I'm Not Cheap, My Server Sucked
